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merlin is shifty - julesoh


I am a woman of a certain reputation.

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New Vid: Your Biggest Fan (SPN, Sam/Dean)
merlin is shifty - julesoh
How long has it been since I posted a Sam/Dean vid? Let's see if I still know what I'm doing where they're concerned. I'm glad to set this vid free, you have no idea.

Title: Your Biggest Fan
Song Artist: Bruno Mars
Video Artist: Fabella wistful_fever
Source: Supernatural Seasons 1-6
Summary: "The heart can think of no devotion, Greater than being shore to ocean - Holding the curve of one position, Counting an endless repetition." -- Robert Frost (Devotion). Sam/Dean, Dean character study.
Disclaimer: Supernatural and "Grenade" do not belong to me.
Length: 3:43min, DivX Avi

Download @ 4shared (64mb)
or if you want a big, perfect file: 144mb @ 4shared. Your choice.

(links updated 2/18/12)

Watch @ 4shared.

I did upload the highest quality one to youtube, but sadly, youtube instantly muted it. :(

ETA 9/27: Youtube re-enabled it, due to the transformative nature of the work. Interesting.

Vidding Notes.. and whining.

This video has been a year in the making. I always wonder what people will think when I say that, if they expect some sort of grand masterpiece, but honestly, this was just a labor of bittersweet determination. I have a really difficult time vidding Sam/Dean these days. Not because I don't have plenty to say ... there is just SO. MUCH. SOURCE. I have about four unfinished Sam/Dean vids festering their achey little hearts out on my computer, one of them owed to someone, yet progress is minimal. The pace I vid Sam/Dean at is a clip a week. I'm not even kidding. That doesn't mean I give up... especially now that I've managed to finish one that has been burning slowly inside my vidder brain for so long. It all came together this past month, which was a very nice gift considering the state of my personal affairs. Now if only the same thing would happen to a specific SPN vid that has been in the works for, oh, 3 years?

"Your Biggest Fan" came from Dean's face. Seriously. The little flinches and scrunches and movements and neediness, and the way that need is so intense it's almost burned up everything he can feel, leaving him hollow. This is a video about how seriously fucked up it is to put all your eggs in one basket the way Dean has. It's also a celebration of that same life strategy. Dean being fucked up is my favorite thing. On another level, it came from my interest in the subjective gaze. Dean feels all these feelings, yeah, and subjects Sam to them, but dude, Sam is just a guy with a lot going on, Sam loves him back---even if he isn't always the most open book. In this video, it focuses heavily on Dean's gaze and how inconsistent and shaped by wounds that gaze is. This video is like the baby of "Come On, Angel" and "Your Own Co-Dependent Wet Dream" if that baby punched you in the face. I don't know, okay? I've been working on this for a year, I said. It's a lot of things to me, mostly a pain in the ass. I'm glad it's done. Screw you, Bruno Mars. I never have to listen to this song again.

The source was modified quite a bit to get the grittiness I wanted (like a bad stubble burn). Added scratch, levels, gain, brightness/contrast, glow, and color. The transitions were all either additive or subtractive dissolves. It suffers a bit under compression. If you've got the time, download the huge file. Considering I still haven't recovered half of my cds of my vids from moving, I might need to download my own vid from you in the future, so be prepared.

Feedback... please?

That was wonderful and sad. I'm glad you're posting, and you've motivated me to move onward with what I'm doing vidwise, instead of treading water which is what I do best lately. :)

I liked the filtering you did, making so much of the vid look like old, faded kodak instant photos, and those moments when you ran the clips backwards were very effective. Like, wow! effective. Nice jump cuts as well.
/shutting up now

Treading water might be contagious. I seem to actually be producing things this year, but I feel like there are so many projects that just sit there, unfinished. ARGH!

Thanks for the feedback! I'm glad you liked it. :)

WOA. I've NEVER thought this could be turned into an SPN vid, so you basically blew me away with this song choice alone!

I really loved the flow and the editing and how you sped up at the choruses and slowed down a little during verses.

I totally know what you mean about making a video for such a long time. I mean, people would assume that you spent a lot of time thinking about it, editing it, going over and over the details and stuff. AND YES OMG SEASON 7 SO MUCH SOURCE AAAA *___*

and oh 3 years? that has got to be some sort of a record. Can you tell what it is? :DDD

And I loved the aspect ration and the colors - so beautiful together! ♥

It's a lot a pressure, right? I say I worked on it for a year, and you go, "OREALLY? THIS BETTER BE AWESOME!" And, you know, it was a really hard earned video that I spent a lot of time thinking about, but sometimes I think I should just say, "hey, I did this saturday, what do you think?" :) It might ease the nerves a bit, lol.

The three year vid has changed forms so many times I'm not even sure I know what it is anymore. It's a curse or something at this point. I don't know why I can't finish it.

Thank you for the feedback!

Bravo!!! Love it! You did an awesome job on this and FINALLY someone used this song!

Wow! What a wonderful vid you did! *__*

Oh man, I am like 5 years past the over-saturation point of Sam/Dean vids that I didn't think I was gonna ever sit through a Sam/Dean vid again, but you proved me wrong. This is so fresh, and I can't quite put my finger on it but it has something to do with how you have a particular talent of cutting to the heart of emotional content. Not just the surface melodrama that got me sick of Sam/Dean in the first place, but something far deeper and more honest. A lot of that came down to the clip choices, the emphasis from early s1, the childhood flashbacks, a focus on intimate moments rather than big epic setpieces, so that when you actually get around to the setpieces like Sam falling into the pit, they feel a lot more earned.

And the POV. The "but you won't do the same" counter-balanced by Sam doing exactly the opposite? An absolute thing of beauty. Definitely conjured up lots of thoughts about... not so much unreliable narrator, but how we can get into a very subjective headspace inside a relationship where we feel like we're giving and giving and receiving little in return, when in fact it's not necessarily the case but just how our emotions blinds us from seeing certain things. I love how clearly those Sam segments slip so easily and organically from Dean's POV as a representation of things he doesn't know and isn't saying in his voice in this vid, nonetheless they do exist in the vid, and, argh, just beautiful weight and balance there.

And lastly the use of Ruby as a way to get around those lyrics is just genius. :D

Oh gosh, you murder me with your awesome, thank you. Yeah, the surface melodrama has kind of worn me down on them too. I love them so so much, but I feel like I need them to finally get a piece of happiness, to reconnect. I feel like maybe they're not still at least: "oh betrayal, how can you do this to me i'm your brother woe!" but I want to feel about them the way I did when Dean slid to his knees in the mud and to grab Sam, who was dying in his arm, and it was real, and it wasn't pretty, but they were connected. I want Show, Not Tell, again. Don't tell me they're co-dependent, just let them be co-dependent okay? And give Dean some emotions back, because this whole thing used to matter to him. Not that he doesn't have plenty of reasons to be depressed and numb, but I need the magic of his face to vid with.

I'm glad the end with Sam didn't throw you out of the vid. I tried to subtly inject how Dean was getting it just slightly left of the reality throughout the video without using an anvil to do it, and without disturbing the sweet sweet pain Dean was going through but I wasn't sure the end wouldn't just be completely out of the blue. In the end, I decided I didn't care because I got it, and I liked it, and I vid mostly for me these days... and then, in retrospect, really really hope you guys can validate me ;)

I love the tone of this so much. Dean’s needy subjectivity and constant willingness to sacrifice himself is totally fucked up and lovely. The way that you subtly contextualized all that with Sam’s feelings and actions is just so well handled. Going to download and watch over and over.

This is really stunning. Such wonderful insight into their characters.

That song always makes me think of Sam and Dean, and yet I could never quite make it 'fit' - you accomplished that brilliantly. Nicely done :)

Wow! Amazing POV vid of Dean's skewed perceptions of Sam's actions and motivations. Loved the use of the reverse clips and the close-closeups. Loved the intimacy you build, this world of just two that Ruby MUST be removed from that Sam MUST inhabit with him. Terrific.

I think this may be my new favorite Sam/Dean vid ever ever ever. 1:50 - 2:23 is just !!!!! You hit every beat SPOT. ON.

Love love love love love.

Edited at 2011-09-26 04:12 am (UTC)

This...is amazing. Seriously, I am so blown away. I was just talking somewhere else on LJ about how sad and hurty Dean's life is to me. How he tries SO HARD and everyone just seems to let him down. He is so loyal and selfless and good and he's just hurt over and over and over. I love how Jensen plays him. The emotion that is there on his face. "The little flinches and scrunches and movements and neediness, and the way that need is so intense it's almost burned up everything he can feel, leaving him hollow." Yes. Dean makes my heart hurt. He really does.

Loved this so very much. I totally got everything that you wanted to get across about Dean and his gaze on Sam and everything. A lovely, punchy video!

Stunning. Absolutely. No words can do justice to the masterpiece this is.

The look of it is completely mesmerising. And THANK YOU for talking about what you did there - fascinating... (*takes notes*).

The editing is sublime - I just want to melt into it. The pacing, the clip matching, the cutting. So beautiful.

And the story and has many people have already mentioned, the POV. All worked so well with this song. The song is a great choice too. Not only the lyrics but the underlying angst.

I wish I had better words.

Congratulations for creating such a stunning piece of work. Thank you. I've been re-inspired. <33

(And re YT. Did you try disputing it? Often they will restore audio when you lodge the "transformative" argument).

Absolutely gorgeous. I loved the texture of the vid - i loved how dirty it looked, worn out, used up. I loved the splashes of color when there *was* color, the sudden too-bright light. And the many little expressions of hurt, wonder, love, and ultimate longing and betrayal on Dean's face.... Lovely. But Sam! Sam, too - exasperated, maybe, going his own way, yes. Loving but not *desperate*. Poor boys.

Reading your vidding notes was a relief because i really *liked* this vid - hell, love it - but it made me sad to think all this gorgeousness was a kind of 'Dean loves Sam but Sam doesn't love Dean' statement. And it sort of kind of is, but not in that hopeless and horrible way, but in the way that it really *is* - the fucked up'ness of two people whose lives are fucked up and relationships are fucked up and how much that just...fucks them up. :)

I'm going to dl the big, pretty version but bookmark this, too, so i'll always *!!* have the notes.

Really enjoyed, thank you. *man, i hate reviewing vids, i never know how to say what i'm thinking and make it sound coherent!! but i have to say *something* when they're awesome....*

Trust me, you did a great review! Thanks for commenting. If notes make you feel better, perhaps I could ramble on some more? Because I was actually kind of restrained in the vid notes.

If you ever end up watching the vid again, it might make you feel better to notice that throughout the video, Dean is kind of ignoring that the lyrics speak to Sam's actions as well. I wanted to be as subtle as possible with it, but I hope it came through. 00:17 Sam is watching Dean, and it might look like an assessing glance, lit oddly on his eyes, but he's trying to take care of Dean in that scene. 00:30 Sam is guiding a disturbed Dean down a hallway, to their home, their car. 00:32-00:38 is Dean reaching out, searching, for a Sam that isn't going very fair, if anywhere, who is looking out for Dean in the hospital. In all the scenes in the follow chorus, it might be from Dean's POV, but Sam is right there too, living the same life, dying for the cause and for his brother, taking bullets. Dean might not be able to see it, simply because he is looking too hard for it. To Dean, Sam's independence is like a betrayal of sort, but it might be the hardest thing Sam has ever done, a death that he has to go through to become strong enough to share the weight his brother carries. Even Ruby was completely about Dean for Sam, there's no argument that losing Dean is what drove Sam over the edge, but Dean couldn't see it that way -- he was like a cheated lover. And that's just kind of the start with how I went about making this video. I really wanted Dean to mislead you up until the end, where Sam kind of bluntly takes control and shows us he can love Dean independently of Dean's need for him to... I'm glad it worked, lol :)

Bruno Marsssss. :D When I first heard that song, my mind instantly went to Sam/Dean. Heh. Can't help it. So thanks for this vid! :)

The scene along with the line "Take a bullet straight through my brain" fit perfectly, Dean's bitter and grim stare. And the part with Ruby and the emotional mess that was the end of season 4 was great, too.